Doris, present party, yes. Before the wedding, a friend of the bride (usually one of the wedding party, maid of honour or bridesmaid) throws a wedding shower for other friends (sometimes acquaintances get pulled in too). You bring a household type of gift, usually less $$value than a wedding gift would be, or a collection is taken and one/several larger gift(s) are purchased from everyone. Also often given at work for a co-worker. This is a female only party, although the groom sometimes shows up near the end to admire the loot. Going to a shower does not automatically mean you will be invited to the wedding. The guys' equivalent is the "stag". I believe their party usually involves drinking, bar hopping and that kind of thing and a collection is taken up for the groom. However, I've never been to one so the guys will have to straighten this out. There is also the 'stag and doe', mixed party evening where usually the proceeds from a cash bar go to the couple. Baby shower is the same idea. Usually given for an expectant mother for the first child. Baby gifts or a collection for several larger items. Female only (there's no rule about this - simply seems to work out that way most of the time). Personally, I usually find them quite dull; you eat, ooh over the gifts, but the guest of honour usually ends up with a good haul. By the way, what on earth is an ikkle kiddly-wink?

Hi Doris, I know nothing about this stuff, but checked with a female colleague at work and I know more about showers now than I ever did before. I'd fill up Leo's disk if I told you everything she said, but RES gave a good account. My colleague clarified a few points: there are wedding showers, and baby showers. A "bridal shower" is another word for a wedding shower. She also claims that on the East Coast bridal showers have a tendency to be a bit more formal, they may hold it in a rented space, have it catered and so on, whereas the West Coast is more laid back about it (no hard and fast rule, though). She also mentioned that for baby showers, an increasing number of people know the sex of the baby in advance, and in that case the gifts end up with a lot of pink, or blue, or just different sorts of presents, depending. She also went on to mention "bachelor parties" (stag parties) which I know more about because they're for the guys--but these are never called showers.

Hmm, this sounds interesting. A bit like a British Hen night only that the British girls go out to get sozzled and don't get presents. So, basically, the bride gets showered with presents and all the groom gets is some lame strip-o-gram, or what? Well, guess the bride gets the better deal :)
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Btw, while we are talking about wedding customs - in Germany, we have something called "Polterabend". It's a pretty naff happening, really. The bride and groom invite friends, neighbours, drinking buddies, fellow football (soccer) players, well, just about anybody who would feel comfortable sitting in an empty garage, eating maybe sausages and potato salad. All the guests are required to bring is old toilets, sinks, plates...well, anything porcelain, which they smash on the floor. So, the lucky bride and groom then spend all evening sweeping the bits away. I can't see the point in it myself, but these evenings do not yet seem to have died out.
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And RES - an "ikkle kiddy-wink" (NO L) is a "little baby". Sorry, the "l" kind of slipped in before the "y" which is WRONG because there is something like a kiddLywink which is something completely different (but that would be another story altogether) But my "kiddy-wink" can also be a kiddy-winkle, which is where I got the "l" from. Or was it a Freudian typo? We'll never know.***thanks for the replies so far, very informative.

Well, the (wedding/bridal) shower and gift thing is pretty tame and traditional, but that doesn't put aside the fact that the ladies may go out for an additional Girls' night. As for the lame strip-o-gram for the guys, you hear all kinds of stories... it is supposed to be the groom's last night out celebrating as a single. What really happens and what's bravado is anybody's (who hasn't actually participated) guess. Never heard any wild first-hand stories, but then, would they tell???

@Doris: the reason for the porcelain mess: "scherben bringen glueck!". found a nice poem about it (unfortunately only in german): http://www.dike.de/gross-eichen/Texte/Scheina...

Nice topic! The son of a friend of mine (UK) got married a couple of weeks ago, and I agree with Doris - these 'procedures' seem to be much more fun than our 'Polterabend'. I was told about the 'stag night'. All the boys met in a pub, which was rented for this purpose, and had fun ... (No kiss-o-grams, however, - bad luck for them). The girls instead had hired a stretch limousine, toured the nightclubs of London, got a bit tipsy, giggled a lot and showed their naked behinds through the windows of the rented car on their way back to a fantastic hotel. (The father of the groom was the one who had to pay for everything, and I bet, the girls had a much better time than the boys!)
In the USA these party evenings seem to be more formal, but better than our boring 'Polterabend' with lots of broken china anyway! :-)

I agree that smashing and sweeping away a truckload of porcellain is not too much fun. That's why German men have invented something similar to the "stag", called "Junggesellenabend". At the evening before the wedding the groom's friends come and get him (whether he wants to or not) and go bar-hopping until late in the night. They might even go and watch a strip show or hire a stripper at somebody's place. This is quite a lot fun, it's just that the groom will have some sort of bad headache at the day of his wedding...
But don't say German wedding traditions are all boring. By the way, I wonder what German females do at the evening before the wedding? I expect they do the same as the men??

I don't know, K.S. I do find most German wedding traditions pointless. I mean, what about the tradition of friends breaking into the bride and groom's flat/house to turn the place upside down? Noooo, sorry. I've heard of and witnessed several really nasty stories and some jokes are really not funny at all.
As for what brides do before the wedding night -I guess they just chill out and make sure they get their beauty sleep ;). I don't think it is custom in Germany to go out on a binge before the wedding night. But I wouldn't know, I've never been there myself.

I agree once again, and I would say there is something like taste involved.
With all those games they play at weddings, like robbing the bride and the things the groom has to do to win her back, there are some that are quite fun and there are some that are quite stupid or boring or initiated by the bride's father to earn back some of the awful lot of money the whole thing cost him.
It all depends on how creative your friends are...
Ah yes, I forgot about that: I expect the bride will spend the eve by fixing her wedding dress ;-)

Well, why not just go to another country to get married and escape the local traditions?
No problem in the USA, for example. (Just go to Nevada, show your passport, choose one of the many wedding chapels - and here you go. Quite relaxing and just a party for the two people, who are really involved. I definitely can recommend that! Should anyone need any advice on that - I've got the papers still on file!(This is not meant sarcastically - I loved it - and that I'm divorced by now does certainly have nothing to do with the marriage procecures!)

A question for UK peoples: is it true that by law in the UK weddings can only be held in certain places (e.g. churches, judges' chambers, who knows). I saw an article a while ago talking about British law makers considering whether to permit weddings on private property or something. Maybe it's just the freedom-taken-for-granted American in me, but I couldn't believe that that could even be an issue. Am I rightly flabbergasted, or have I just been smoking to much crack (or more likely putting to much faith in what I read online)?

Roy: don't know about the UK, but all weddings in France take place in the town hall (Mairie) of the residence of one of the parties involved. You can choose to get married in a church after that, or not--your choice--but that has absolutely no weight in the laws of France. The State is only interested in religious marriages in a negative sense: they "permit" clergy to hold such ceremonies only under the circumstances that the couple has already been married in a Marie, and can prove it with a piece of paper. The clergy member who performs the wedding is obliged to demand the actual certificate showing that you are married, or refuse to marry you. If not, he risks being forbidden by the state from officiating at any further religious wedding ceremonies in his own church--an extremely intrusive entrance by the State into Church affairs, from our Ami way of thinking. This is not to say that the French couple can't run off to Las Vegas, of course; in that case, our laws prevail and the accords and reciprocal treaties between the US and France which accept as legitimate any marriage performed in the other take over.

Doris: the French also have several break-in traditions similar to the one you mentioned, which I find quite objectionable. In the classic version, someone among the wedding party is supposed to discover the location of your wedding night whether it be a hotel or residence. Around 4 or 5am with the aid of an accomplice 10 - 25 people break in to your room and carry out a little scenario. So there you are the two of you, naked in your bed on your wedding night, with a couple of dozen festive partygoers also in the room, laughing and yelling. But that's not all: they have arrived with some props--notably a chamber pot--which they proceed to fill with a couple of scoops of chocolate ice cream, and some Champagne. The happy couple's task is to eat this concoction out of the bed pan. I was so strongly opposed to this gross idea that I came up with all sorts of subterfuges to keep our wedding location secret, and was ready to murder anyone who knocked at our door. As it turned out, we were blessedly undisturbed all night.

Peter, that sounds pretty scary!
As a matter of fact, the French wedding rules are similar in Germany. You have to get married in a registry office before you can get married in church. Not so in England, though. It's either or.

Mariages in Uk (please not England: In the UK you can get married anywhere you want, the only requirements being an official (either a registrar or member of the clergy). I've been to weddings in hotels, parks (and it's often a bit parky!), private houses ...
Talking of shower parties and the like in Scotland it was (still is ? - I've been gone too long) the tradition to visit the bride-to-be (and her parents) a week or so before the wedding and hand over your gift. Depending on the community, there was a fair bit of one-up-manship, esp. in fishing communities, where washing machines would top freezers etc. Nowadays most couples have a household before they enter into this "state", so I daresay it's money that's given or a useless token gift, such as a china bonbonnière !!

As having a "Polterabend" is becoming increasingly unpopular, at least in my part of Germany, the following alternatives have evolved: Either the happy couple throws an informal party, much like a "Polterabend", only without the breaking of porcelain. This is done more or less so that you do not have to invite all and sundry to the propper wedding party - anyone can show up, neighbours, colleagues members of sports teams, etc. Alternatively (or in addition), the men often have a "Junggesellenabschied", which was already described. This (I'm told) involves going to lots of bars and ending up in a strip club or table-dance bar. I'm not quite sure who has to pay, though. The girls, meanwhile, have decided that the bridegroom gets all the fun, so they can take the bride out for a "Junggesellinnenabschied". This is becoming increasingly popular. The idea is that the girls go into town, have a few drinks and do not necessarily end up with a male stripper. As this is quite expensive, the bride is first given something to sell. This can be anything from a basketful of roses to condoms and whistles. Sometimes she also has to dress up in whatever her friends provide, which might just be a funny hat, but I've also seen someone in a nun's habit (I think she had to condoms), and another poor girl had to walk around town in full diving gear. Anyway, as soon as everything is sold, the fun begins. This is best not done the night immediately before the wedding (puffy eyes are not too becoming!)
However, no shower, but the couple is given presents at the polterabend or its china-free alternative from those guests who are not invited to the wedding.

Linda: I come from Northern Germany and in my region, a "Junggesellinenabschied" (was für ein Wort)became also very popular within the last years. For my wedding (August 2001) my (female!) friends gave me the following task: dressed up like "Pipi Langstrumpf" including a white T-Shirt with red script: Simone heiratet - Junggesellinenabschied etc. My friends I went to a "Volksfest". There, the guys had the choice: Either to get a big red lipstick-heart on the cheek or to write somthing on my T-Shirt. Giving us some coins for this was of course obsolete. It was real fun and although we were six girls spending this money for quite enough drinks we had in the end more than 180 DM to be left over. Seems to be a good chance to make some extra money at the week-end! :-)

Does this kind of evening for the bride becoming popular in other regions, too? By the way, the "Polterabend" still exists here and I cannot say that it is a boring tradition. It depends on the way how you make it.

In South Africa a marriage is only legal if performed under a roof.(!) If you do it in a park/on the beach etc., you have put up a little pagoda-thingie or so to get around the silly rule, which originally was probably meant to mean "in a building", but due to the wording it leaves some loopholes...

Quote: "If you do it in a park/on the beach ...you have to put up a pagoda-thingie"
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Your wording has me chuckle...sorry, couldn't resist.

:-)

Didn't mean it that way, but I suppose in that case a pagoda or other shelter would be even more advised than for just a wedding...

Doris, AW: To that, I can only respond:
http://cheap-cds.com/surf/play/187300az.mp3

Nearly spat out my morning coffee...this place would be a much duller place without you, Peter :-)