Before we start deleting various posts in “the winds picked up” or even perhaps the whole thread, maybe some of those involved could take another look at what went on and learn something from it for the future.
Laughaire said “that hurt” or “this is how that landed with me; I didn’t like it” and basically all that came in response was: You’re wrong. Your reaction is wrong. Your feelings are wrong. And then even: I guess you need professional help.
- Warum trifft es dich,
- Das geht doch nicht gegen dich.
- Ich finde das nicht schlimm
- Laughaire, ärgere dich nicht
- It still seems to me that you don't have to feel personally attacked
- Ich glaube nicht, dass dich jemand extra fertig machen will
- Kein Mensch hat dich persönlich angegriffen.
- Auch das empfinde ich als völlig ungerechtfertigt
- We do this all the time, and it's not normally a problem.
And the one that has already been deleted, about “oh, you apparently need professional help”, should have been written in a PM if at all, but L. had switched off PMs – so instead of respecting L.’s wish for no contact, it’s perfectly ok to put that message in a public post? And it’s L.’s own fault for switching off PMs?
This overall tone borders on bullying. I'm sure that was not the intention, but I wish people would think twice before telling someone else how they should react to something, or how they should or shouldn’t feel.
Edit: the comments I quoted above are merely a selection to illustrate my point.
To add a constructive suggestion:
More helpful, and certainly more to the point, might have been, for example: “I see what you mean, and I’m sorry my remarks landed that way with you//bothered you//hurt your feelings." And perhaps also, "I wish I’d left out that irrelevant comment” (or, in other situations, e.g.: “I wish I’d found a way to express myself without being judgmental”).