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    Translation correct?

    i have moved my domicile to XYZ county. Can you inform this to the concerning people to update my re…

    Source Language Term

    i have moved my domicile to XYZ county. Can you inform this to the concerning people to update my records with my new address

    Correct?

    Ich habe meinen Wohnsitz im Landkreis XYZ umgezogen. Können Sie dies den Entsprechendes Personen mitteilen, um meine Unterlagen mit meiner neuen Adresse zu aktualisieren?

    Comment

    ist mein übersetzung richtig ?

    Authormangof (1089637) 31 May 21, 06:41
    Comment

    Vorschlag :

    Ich habe meinen Wohnsitz in den Landkreis XYZ verlegt. Bitte leiten Sie diese Information und meine neue Adresse an die zuständigen Personen weiter, damit meine Unterlagen entsprechend aktualisiert werden können.

    #1Authorno me bré (700807) 31 May 21, 09:40
    Comment

    Das würde ich viel kürzer formulieren:

    Ich bin umgezogen und möchte Sie bitten, den betroffenen Personen meine neue Anschrift mitzuteilen.


    Die Adressaten wird die Erwähnung des neuen Landkreises kaum interssieren, und falls doch, ergibt sich der ja aus der neuen Adresse ohnehin.

    Dass die neue Adresse den Empfängern mitgeteilt wird, damit sie ihre Unterlagen aktualisieren können, werden sie auch wissen, ohne dass man sie explizit darauf hinweist..


    #2Authoreineing (771776) 31 May 21, 10:50
    Comment
    Just for the record, the English also could be improved. 'Domicile' is a very uncommon word that you probably will never need.

    I have recently moved (AE, moved house BE) to ...
    ... Landkreis XYZ / (the) XYZ district.

    (But that extra information is probably not necessary, as eineing says.)

    I have recently changed my address to ...
    My address has recently changed to ...
    My new address is ...
    ... Musterstraße 22, 54321 XYZ-Stadt.
    (Please update your files / records. Thank you.)

    (The last part is probably also unnecessary. They know what to do with a new address.)

    I would appreciate it if you could forward this information to ...
    ... the relevant departments.
    ... anyone else in your office who needs it for their files.

    (This last part is really unnecessary, because it sounds artificial and impractical. Just in general, when you move, you usually have to notify everyone yourself and not expect anyone else to do it for you. The post office may send a change-of-address form to magazines and newspapers, but you can't really expect one secretary to inform a lot of others.)


    #3Authorhm -- us (236141) 31 May 21, 12:59
    Comment

    Agree with #3. "I have moved my domicile" is almost comical in its unnecessary formality, and "Can you inform this to the concerning people" is just bad English.

    #4Authorbishop_j (877745) 31 May 21, 22:22
     
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